Transitions, trusting and goodbyes

I woke this morning to the sound of little feet running on the floor above me. As I rolled over rubbing my eyes and trying to decipher what time it was from the amount of light coming in my basement window, I heard little voices above me “Auntie Riah”. Slowly, I stumbled up the stairs to be greeted by the smiling faces of my nephew and niece.

The two months between finishing school and leaving for Australia have given me a chance to spend a little time with my family here in the USA. Because I am continuing to raise support for my fast approaching assignment in Australia and not working, I need to lean on the support of family and friends. I have slept in 15 different beds since I moved out of my house at the end of May. Friends and family alike have opened their doors and homes to me and have been patient with me as I bumble through this time of transition.

I’m not used to asking for help. My Mennonite upbringing taught me to use little and to be generous, but in these last months I have had to rely on others generosity and to ask for money for now and for the 3 years to come. This is hard. I like to be independent and I have learned to associate wise judgment with financial stability. Yet I find myself in a place of following where I feel God calling me and this means financial instability. Is following God wise? Will I be cared for? I am asking hard questions of myself and other and having to trust in new ways while making myself vulnerable.

I am into the last leg on my journey this summer. I have a week and a half with family and a week of orientation and training before I fly away to Australia. Transitions and moving have been one of the most reliable things in my life over the years and so I keep thinking I will get better at them. But even when I know some of what I should expect from transitions and what I need to do to make them easier, they are still draining and emotionally charged.

In this time of instability I have the chance to spend a few days and hours with my family. Wanting to know my extended family better and to understand my roots was a major factor in my decision to come back to the USA to study. Most of the time I have had off over the last three years has seen me tucked in a car making the nine hour trip from Indiana to Pennsylvania to be with family. We all have gotten used to seeing each other on a semi-regular basis as I pop in and out. So, even though I have been telling my family about my assignment in Australia for months, many of them were shocked as I hugged them goodbye saying that I would be back in 3 years.

As I look at my aging Grandparents and my young nieces and nephew, I wonder what 3 years will look like in their lives. Here are young and old people that I love and who will be on the other side of the world from me. Three years in my life seems like a good commitment and not that long, but for grandparents and growing children, 3 years can make a world of difference.

So as I enjoy my time of lounging around and reading novels, I am also reflecting on where I am going and why. I have felt and continue to feel a strong call from God to go back to Australia. I wonder why God is calling me away from family and into times that feel uncertain. Yet as I look to the Bible I see others who were called to leave family and stability, to uproot and follow God’s call. Maybe I am in good company. I am not sure what the next months and days hold but I am trying to trust in the one who knows all and who is guiding my steps.